Treat the new member as a blessing and not as a threat

Before we place our feet in an unknown territory, let us understand the concept of ‘actual’ marriage. Yes the word ‘actual’ is not by default here. After all the pompous functions, preparations and celebrations, the actual marriage begins. Every relationship is built on expectations and there is nothing wrong in that. Just that the expectations should be more realistic (and not selfish). Marriage is not perceived (by majority) as two souls and families uniting as one to further their generation. Marriage today by a lot of families is viewed as what daughter-in-laws can do and how much sacrifice and hard work they are willing to put to prove their worth in their families.

Everybody wants a daughter-in-law to be a perfect epitome of beauty, grace and knowledge along with all kinds of talents so that she can serve her husband’s family. Traditions and cultural stigma are so thrusted in our bloods that we don’t want the person to grow. Experience doesn’t teach us how to treat someone; its basic ethics and a sense of compassion that guides us in every relationship in our lives.

Simple wise words for every (willing to change for good) family –

• Making a new member feel comfortable

This is the first point but definitely a step towards consistent efforts that needs to be done by every family member without any unfailing hesitations. Welcome the new member with open arms and always make them feel that they ‘belong’ in the family. Though your daughter-in-law is new, her comfort and wants should also be imperative for you.

• Compassion towards fellow beings

I think this quality is not just limited to daughter-in-laws but to everyone. Have humility and empathy especially towards the person your son is married to. Her choices, likes and dislikes should always be acknowledged and given an importance. Life is beautiful if we follow the commands of Allah. The quality we can imbibe from our Prophet Muhammed S.A.W (pbuh) is how to treat everyone with dignity, respect and love; irrespective of their age, social status, race or class.

• Normalizing the normal

We are human beings, bound to make mistakes. Let’s not set unrealistic expectations with a new family member just because they are vulnerable and dependent. Normalize the fact that daughter-in-laws too are humans and they have their own lives other than their significants’ family. Freedom to live their life is the greatest gift you can ever give to a person.

• Kindness is inexpensive

Ridiculing a person is not a sign of a true muslim. Every human being is different and special in his or her own way. Making baseless comparisons and shaming someone can only demean a person’s confidence. Struggles are present in every generation, it’s literally a part of each one’s life (in different forms and ways). A lot of families today are not united because the burden of respect and responsibility is only on certain members of the family instead of everyone. Positivity, justice, unbiased attitude and progressive mindset are the golden gracious secret beans in the recipe of a perfect happy family (yes this concept is not delusional).

An article, poem or even a whole book cannot change mentality of people who live in their own bubble of egocentric outlook and ungrateful tactics. We need to be more considerate (less judgmental). Instead of generalizing the idea of over-the-top bullying and making it a common practice that every household is the same and everyone has to go through it, let’s raise a voice against it and condemn this belief and all the actions resulting from it.

PC: https://quranschool.com/justice-in-the-light-of-islam/